Why do you people-please? Why do you assume other people want you to be anything other than exactly who your are?
Fear of rejection.
I’m not talking about rejection today. I’m talking about her older sister: disappointment. Disappointment sneaks into your room, cuts you down, and tells you to judge every aspect of your soul.
When someone is disappointed in you, they reject your behavior. When you are disappointed in someone, you reject their behavior.
Most of the time, especially as a kid, you can’t tell the difference between rejection of behavior and rejection of self. Did mom or dad ever say, ‘You are stupid. You are a brat. You are a baby?” They don’t think you are a stupid, bratty baby (hopefully). They are frustrated, and and see your actions as stupid, bratty and immature.
Notice the difference:
- ‘You are a brat!’ versus ‘That comment sounds bratty. Did you mean it that way?’
- ‘You are stupid!’ versus ‘Doing that makes it seem like you don’t know any better.’
- ‘You are pathetic!’ versus ‘Whining makes you sound pathetic, which I know you are not.’
The first destroys your sense of identity. The second calls you to behave differently.
A parent sees bratty behavior because they know that you are truly kind. They see your greed because they know that you are capable of generosity. They see weakness because they believe in your hidden strength. Behind every perceived disappointment is the intention to bring about your higher potential. Behind every disappointment is a call to be more.
The truth about people pleasing is that both praise and ridicule are signs that people see potential in you.
‘I am disappointed in you’ is one choice away from ‘I see untapped potential in you’ so #openyoeyes
This week’s action: Make a list of moments where you were disappointed or where someone was disappointed in you. Pick a new moment to spend time with every day. Anywhere where you hear, ‘I am disappointed in you,’ replace with, ‘I see potential in you.’
If the perspective shift changes the way you see yourself, your past or your identity, share this post with the people you love.
Then, take this lesson into your life. Don’t call out other’s inadequacies, call them into their potential.
If you are ready to create a life based on your potential, and not your perceived short-comings, call me for a free 15-min phone consultation.
Happy Happy Tuesday,
Holistic Life Coach