The Truth About People-Pleasing

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Why do you people-please? Why do you assume other people want you to be anything other than exactly who your are?

Fear of rejection.

I’m not talking about rejection today. I’m talking about her older sister: disappointment. Disappointment sneaks into your room, cuts you down, and tells you to judge every aspect of your soul.

When someone is disappointed in you, they reject your behavior. When you are disappointed in someone, you reject their behavior.

Most of the time, especially as a kid,  you can’t tell the difference between rejection of behavior and rejection of self.  Did mom or dad ever say, ‘You are stupid. You are a brat. You are a baby?” They don’t think you are a stupid, bratty baby (hopefully). They are frustrated, and and see your actions as stupid, bratty and immature.

Notice the difference:

  • ‘You are a brat!’ versus ‘That comment sounds bratty. Did you mean it that way?’
  • ‘You are stupid!’ versus ‘Doing that makes it seem like you don’t know any better.’
  • ‘You are pathetic!’ versus ‘Whining makes you sound pathetic, which I know you are not.’

The first destroys your sense of identity. The second calls you to behave differently.

A parent sees bratty behavior because they know that you are truly kind. They see your greed because they know that you are capable of generosity. They see weakness because they believe in your hidden strength. Behind every perceived disappointment is the intention to bring about your higher potential. Behind every disappointment is a call to be more.

The truth about people pleasing is that both praise and ridicule are signs that people see potential in you.

‘I am disappointed in you’ is one choice away from ‘I see untapped potential in you’ so #openyoeyes

This week’s action: Make a list of moments where you were disappointed or where someone was disappointed in you. Pick a new moment to spend time with every day. Anywhere where you hear, ‘I am disappointed in you,’ replace with, ‘I see potential in you.

If the perspective shift changes the way you see yourself, your past or your identity, share this post with the people you love.

Then, take this lesson into your life. Don’t call out other’s inadequacies, call them into their potential.

If you are ready to create a life based on your potential, and not your perceived short-comings, call me for a free 15-min phone consultation.

Happy Happy Tuesday,

Jackie

EFT Practitioner

Holistic Life Coach

Turn Issues into Inspiration

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Maximize your time. Turn problems into potential.

Issues are not a sign of failure.  They are traffic signals: Slow down. Change direction. Enjoy a better route.

What is your ‘ish’ telling you?

Check out my ‘Turn Issues into Inspiration‘ Handout to find out.

Since inspiration is never meant to be an inside-job, share your insights with us or someone you know.

Ready to take a major u-turn? Contact me to discuss private and group coaching.

Have a True Tuesday,

Jackie

EFT Practitioner & Life Coach

Fear is a Lie

Everything you know about fear is a lie.

Fear is the feeling that fills your body when you believe a lie about who you are.

Here are just a few examples.

  • Your bank account dwindles to three… two… one digits. Aahhhhh!!! FEAR! Crazy people thoughts overpower your sane thoughts: ‘I will eat Ramen until retirement! My life is out of control! I will never feel safe!’ Lie #1: I am not safe.
  • You see your man eye a foxay laday. Jealousy zings up your spine and falls into the pit of your stomach. Ouch. Before you can hit mute, the crazy thoughts blast through on max volume: ‘I knew he never loved me. There is no point to even try. I will never be enough!’ Lie #2: I am not enough.
  • After a day of perfect waves, you dry your ocean-salted hair in a towel. Before you can toss your surfboard on your first fully-owned vehicle, you stop in your tracks. Surfboard falls to the sand. Your tires have been slashed. The back windshield is shattered. Old fears swamp your mind: “What did I expect? Things were too good. I knew this couldn’t last long. Good things always come to an end.’ Lie #3: I don’t deserve peace. 

Crappy things happen. They rock your world. They don’t have to rock your identity.

The next time fear attempts to tell you who you are, tell it to hush up and find a new target.

Need help? Use these three questions to mute fear’s whiny little voice.

  1. What do I fear most right now?
  2. If this is ‘true’, what do I think is ‘true’ about me?
  3. Read through Your Truth List. View your fear from truth’s perspective. Watch the situation change.
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If monkey’s not afraid, you have no excuse.

Have you ever changed your perspective on fear? My fear of _____ was a lie  #fearisalie. What happened?

Need helping shifting your perspective on a fear in your life? Call me for a free 15-min phone session. 

Love you all,
Jackie Poinier

Life Purpose Coach & EFT Practitioner

What is Going On?

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Sometimes we want to know what is going on, and we forget that we already know.

At some point, I was stripped of my worldly cushions and left bare-bottomed and exposed on cold-metal. One cushion, a solid relationship. Another, a steady flow of clients. The finale, an annoyingly shallow (yet awesomely ego-building) stream of validation.

When each support falls out of place, I find myself awkwardly falling in mid-air, thinking, ‘Why is this happening!?’ The landing isn’t pretty. The black and blue, worse. With bruises like that, I vow to never sit so high.

I tell myself  it is more responsible to assume a permanenet position on the floor. I call it risk-management, most days.

Some days, I can’t ignore the kink in my neck that reminds me risk-managaement is stifling. My vertebrate is sore from looking up to where I could be, to where I want to be, if I only had the cajones, or shall I say, ovaries, to start climbing. #grab-a-pair

Too afraid of the descent, I avoid heights

I have fallen, and it hurts. I have been stripped of support and it is belittling. What I now know though, is that I have adopted a FALSE perspective that these temporary cushions determine my value.

Gross.

Time for a perspective shift: Any M.I.A validation is not proof of inadequacy, but a reminder to root your worth in something more eternal than feathers. 

The next time you are in a, ‘Why is this happening?!?” freak-out zone, ask…

  • What support system have I lost?
  • What part of me did it validate?
  • Is there something more eternal that I can look to for my worth? (dare I say, my Truth)

What fears kink your neck?

Check out my free resources for tips on eliminating the fear and doubt that keeps you from climbing. 

If you want to dissolve a chronic fear for good, call me for a free 15-min phone consultation on how I use EFT and holistic coaching to help you move from stuck to empowered. 

 

You have a truth, so voice it. If you don’t, who will?

pretty pretty please,

Jackie

Born Powerful

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Just because you think you are xyz, doesn’t mean you are that. Trust me.

We waste a lifetime building our identity. We drill in characteristics, hammer down perspectives & hoist up achievements.

We build,

and build,

and build,

and then…

We realize that we are building a paper shell around a stone structure.

Unnecessary.

We were born with an identity. We are alive to share it, not to create it.

Construction can stop. The housewarming party can begin.

I’ve created a quick exercise to help you uncover parts of your identity that are less than your best.

Check it out here.

Let me know what you see in the comments or on our Facebook community.

FYI: You have a unique voice. If you are pouting, no one can hear what you have to say. For a free phone consultation on how to turn your pout into power, contact me.

If you like this post, share it with your friends so I can keep it coming.

xoxo, 

Jackie

Life Purpose Coach & EFT Practitioner